MLB Awards Heads Up

I'm going out of town for the weekend. I'll do my rundown of the MLB Awards when I get back.

An Appeal to the Sports Gods

I don't often ask for much. If I do, it's usually not too selfish. How many times have I asked you to keep Ken Griffey healthy, or to give Rick Ankiel his release point back? It is rarely that I ask for anything for myself. Please, just this once, can you see it clear to have the Colts beat the Patriots.

Preferably Tom Brady would screw up royally and take that stupid little smirk off of his face. Or a good, old-fashioned "take them behind the shed and beat them like a red-headded stepchild" win. Hell, I'll take "Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good". At this point, I'll take anything. In 10 years, the Colts have beaten the Patriots 4 times, and lost 12. It's getting ridiculous.

The Patriots piss me off beyond all resonable limits. A grown person (or mostly grown) should not get as upset over a game as I do. I don't know what it is about the Patriots, but they really get me going. It's not that they win. You can't hate on people for doing their jobs. It's that they always make sure to beat the Colts while they're doing it. And they're so magnanimous about it. I'd hate them less if they were complete dicks about it. But no, they have to go around and say the right things. After you lay an ass whooping on the Colts, act like it. Don't go around being all smarmy about it.

So, in conclusion, I hate the Patriots. I hate them with every fiber of my being. I don't think it is physically possible to hate them any more than I already do. So please, Sports Gods, can you do just this one thing for me? I really don't want to be in a bad mood for a week.

Baseball Awards

I'm back. I figure I'll kick it off by handing out some awards. Who better qualified to hand out awards than the guy who hasn't bothered writing in 3 months? That's right, no one. This will be the second presentation of these awards. (Last years winners)

Mike Maroth Award - Awarded for having the balls to suck and excellence in futility. In honor of Maroth's willingness to pitch knowing full well he'd probably lose is 20th game of the season.

Cristian Guzman for just about everything. Guzman hit .219/ .260/ .314 this year for the Nationals, fresh off signing a 4 year, $16 Million contract. I don't remember who said this, so sorry for improper attribution, but someone said this year that "Roger Clemens is making all hitters look like Cristian Guzman, and Cristian Guzman is making all pitchers look like Roger Clemens." That just about sums it up.

Steve Carlton Award - Named in honor of Steve Carlton of the 1972 Phillies. He won 27 games that year, the entire rest of the team won 32. Given to the most outstanding player on a team that absolutely blows.

Defending his crown is Ichiro! This may have been an off year as far as Ichiro! is concerned, but it was still a damn good year. .303/.350/.436 on his way to 206 hits, a career best in HR, and the most RBI since his rookie year.

Brooklyn Dodgers Memorial Award - In 1951, the Dodgers had a 13 game lead over the Giants with about a month left to play. The Giants came back to win the pennant with Bobby Thomson's "Shot Heard 'Round the World." Given to the team that had their chance and blew it.

Cleveland Indians. The White Sox were 15 games up on the Indians, only to see the lead evaporate to 2 1/2 games. Sure some of that was the Indians outstanding play, but a lot of it was the Sox sucking majorly. The Indians had their chance. The AL Central was there for the taking. Then they proceded to lose 6 of their last 7, including a sweep by Chicago, losing 2 to Tampa Bay and one to the Royals.

Juan Gonzalez Award - Given to the free agent signing who never pans out.

In an unprecedented occurance, Juan Gonzalez wins AGAIN! Last year I presented his award while saying "it is truely an honor to have an award named after yourself while you are still around to recieve it". This year, fresh of his award winning season in KC, Juan signed a deal with Cleveland. In his first at-bat of the year, Juan pulled a hamstring running to first and was out for the season. Please, Juan, retire before you go for the three-peat.